From Evernote:

In memorium

It's not been pretty lately, I've had difficulty comprehending life ferreting out the most absurd and cynical of situations.

For one thing, this time, I am not going to ask why. It's like flunking a test- you were not well prepared eod. Thus QED. In my case , I have not been strong enuf to handle situations. Just a loser who could not be brave enuf to accept eventualities ( death of a friend)  and circumstance( situational adverse by product).

I think it's a cowards way to clam up, which is the only way I know-

I wish I could understand otherwise.

I wish I knew how to objectively handle emotions, I wish I could see clearly thru the fog....

I wish....

I keep wishing. The loser that I am. I don't even make sense to me.

Grief is such a overwhelming feeling. And I can do nothing about it...