It's the eve of my birthday and I'm trying to think and feel what I'm supposed to... and I'm trying to remember what the norm is ? What does one feel? What are you supposed to feel? Older? Wiser? Excited??
It's a number nowdays , age . And I'm not sure Im feeling anything...
I'm trying to work out if this is being jaded of me.
I dunno, maybe . But certainly the charm, excitement of turning older - the magic of childhood of waking up to presents , surprises, delicious food--- every one wishing you on a day you truly felt unique...no longer though.
I remember eagerly awaiting to buy my birthday dress, take chocolates to distribute at school to my friends. Those days are gone... It was fun, the festoons, confetti , cake , friends, family . Special occasions came once in a while.
And one was always looking forward to these specialities ...
When your grown up, it's a bit rare- atleast the element of surprise. You pretty much buy what you like on impulse as and when u please ... and more often than not on special occasions you rather be left alone .. The noise and the din it's there everyday, so you like your peace and quiet ... its so ironic.
When younger , you are so hungry , so impulsive , so wanting to break out of your shell. As you get older - all you want to do is run back to your shell, diet ( get less hungry) , stay put.
Why does the charm/ magic fade away?
Why does it not feel special any more?
Why do I feel, I'm happier invisible?
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