Sometimes, being stuck is probably an important phase, it kinda corners u into making a decision, a choice... and in probably a larger scheme of things : decide upon what remains relevant and important and what does not.
Desperate times...can ,sometimes, actually make u think clearly!
The 'new groove' has brought about perspective. It helps me deal with pain more realistically and helps me realize that the only way to keep growing is living with bits and pieces as in a mosaic...with all the different shades of happiness and pain.
I think I've gone one step ahead in' understanding' the value of what I have. Which has been a vital necessity lacking in me so far...Its not like I've stopped feeling blue but at least I understand my blues better...which helps.
Over the past couple of years, all of the old skin has been peeled away...most people I've know, my best friends , my mode of thinking, my relationships have all become nought.
Everything I thot was dear to me and things that I could not live without ...:have gone away from me, melted over nite like ice ( and I didn't even know they were ice....delusion, as you can see is pretty menacing ), my beliefs...now seem a joke to me. When the tide decides to turn...it turns well. So I learnt. Even if I tried to hold on...it slipped away. If I caught on to my past again..it simply decided to disappear...so I could not catch hold of it at all.
So, I have my solitude....but till now I had no objectivity to clear the clouds of my pain. Now, maybe I do...I still have pain...but objectivity is the amazing panacea!
Objectivity now makes me yearns for a new horizon...I no longer feel the need to cry for things I could never understand anyways.
Make peace with your doppleganger. The ebb tide of the emotions are so violent that it just shakes up all the brittle walls we build around our feeble hearts. But then its ok, to be blue..and and make peace with the battle waging inside..
---T--
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