For a very long time- for better or for worse I have been fairly stuck in a space - emotionally and professionally…to an almost unhealthy extent. And when things sort of start getting out of hand, you need to let go of what you are holding and step back to consider if you do indeed want to keep holding on to what you have been holding on to. The wise man knows when its time to change - perspectives or situations quickly or rather before things get “out of hand” …while some, like me, wait till things play out- an equivalent of falling and then realising the hurt.
Either ways- Life gives you opportunities. And there is really NO qualitative aspect to them…opportunities can be good or bad depending on your take of them.
The honest truth is you need to decide what makes you happy and then try and chase it. One could live into a mould or a template already set early in life...when you didn't know better or when you didn't have a choice ...but for whatever reasons, know this that if you chased down the wrong road... you will know it at some point and if you are smart/ sensitive you would know what to do.
Trust me , its not like I really know...but I know what I don't like and had to cut loose from that.
Once my break began - which is practically very recent ( or when it will technically next year) - I think a huge part of me was “relieved” . For a change the heart seemed calmer.
There had been so much going on over the last few years especially the complexities that i could do with out. I had reached an end of a road sometime ago, but refused to acknowledge it for a while, which was quiet foolish. I should have known ( or knew?) much better and should have taken the call to move on professionally ages ago…but for whatever the reason... I am glad I finally did, because it now gives me a chance to work on my pet project ...“ Project Me”.I have been moping about wanting to do all the “nothing” I’ve wanted to for a while and get away from a lot of people I inherently needed a distance from. There were things to do, places to visit...other people to know....there was and is soo much more..
There had been so much going on over the last few years especially the complexities that i could do with out. I had reached an end of a road sometime ago, but refused to acknowledge it for a while, which was quiet foolish. I should have known ( or knew?) much better and should have taken the call to move on professionally ages ago…but for whatever the reason... I am glad I finally did, because it now gives me a chance to work on my pet project ...“ Project Me”.I have been moping about wanting to do all the “nothing” I’ve wanted to for a while and get away from a lot of people I inherently needed a distance from. There were things to do, places to visit...other people to know....there was and is soo much more..
At first a lot of close folks and especially Heartman felt this was just going to be way too difficult for me…thinking that being OMO ( on my own) might actually be destructive. But, they were incredibly surprised that I managed pretty well- without any panic attacks ! Its not too bad when you know what you want to do with yourself and you have a lot of “ nothings” on the list! 😃
I really don’t know the answer to that, i know I need to find some pathways…but what if I don’t ? What if there are so many things I would like to do and keep dabbling in them ? And what if I don’t want to do anything “ mainstream” ….how will I react to all those who will walk ahead of me? How long can I march to my own beat, my own drummer call ? Somehow, at this point I am content not having answers to anything…. is this strange?
This "Project Me”- feels like having a working title ready for a Novel / Movie/ Play / Song etc …but not the Novel/ Movie/ Play / Song itself !
It feels subtly exciting for sure…but there is a whole lot of nervous energy that abounds me too.
You get this one Life to live and discover, know more than what you do. There is so much more...I need that "more".
So…I’m gearing up for a whole new journey. I know I no longer have many things …But I have me & I have Heartman….and its all that matters for now , maybe I’ll make new friends, true friends, mentors…find my purpose? my calling? maybe tumble upon a dream?…or maybe nothing!
As Calvin puts it…. “ Lets Go Exploring “
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