Hollowness

As my life currently floats between endless days of one nothing after another... reflection in all that I am about abounds . I am still throughly lost , which is actually a useful trait - it helps realize all of that I have lost along the way , over the last few years that I have spent in wilderness.

It's the long dreary journey ...there is a storm I'm weathering in the ocean of my life...but as the ocean gets violent... there are things that emerge... truths , my little truths.

So, over the weekend that was fraught with some internal angst, I noticed that I have honestly lost the art of reading lately . I was so different when I was young... such a voracious reader, skimming through absolutely everything I came across ... right from Enid Blyton, to every comic graphic art  to young literature , noble awardees , science, science fiction... I was absolutely all over the graph ( this also goes for music ....but more on that in a different note).

 I don't quite know what happened, I started speed reading, because I didn't have enuf time ... More books than I. Old read and I wanted to read so much and I never had all the time I needed to do it the logical way... read and more importantly grasp... 

In a bit of a humiliating introspective events at a homely get together with Heartmans friends... We guys got into an animated discussion about some current affairs, stuff I should ideally know ...but realized I only knew the "headlines" and not the stories with in it...

And this was not the first time I've felt so hollow ... It's been a few days in the running for me.

And I didn't like this feeling, this vapidness, this rampant shallowness of my intellect or my mind...it made me sit-up all of the weekend trying my level best to understand why it has come to this ?

You know sometimes you don't even need to think so much - the answer intuitively is there... if only you will acknowledge it.

Sigh!

I realize in the race to pace up and absorb everything in life - we skim through , but the process of skimming usually looses the essense ...and the essense is the real deal.

These endless hours on the Internet and all the intelligent devices that keep you hooked , take away the rigor and thoroughness of the old fashioned - pick the book and read it cover to cover kind of events in our lives... I must say I'm so distracted lately that I am just a pale shade of myself .

And reading is just one aspect where my evolution has gone awry... I am lost in many ways.

The drive that kept me going always has meandered away in some jungle....the only way to call it  back now is by luring it, some how.

There are so many switches I need to turn off ... Way too many to count ...so much buzzing not enuf quietitude ... what is this pace I'm trying to keep up with :( and why? And why am I skimping on quality....